MindSpinner

I could tell from the outset I was being had. “Ms. E will do it. Get Ms. E,” Mr. G called out with inordinate glee, as Mrs. P. joined him at the classroom door next to mine. They were planning for the afternoon pep rally prior to Homecoming.

“You can dribble a basketball, can’t you?” They asked, seized with giggles.

“Well, yes. I guess so.”

“Good, we’ll put you in the relay race on the teachers’ team.”

When I am the first person chosen for a team in an athletic contest, there is something seriously wrong. It’s not as if we lack youthful, athletic faculty members on our staff. I haven’t run a basketball full speed down a court in a few years now. Obviously these people were not interested in winning. They were interested in rooking somebody into something and thereby saving themselves.

All this was clear, but what the heck? The whole point of this exercise would obviously be entertainment, not victory - thus the composition of the relay team. I considered hiding among the middle school students during the pep rally, but I was too busy finding the yearbook staffer who would be taking pictures and making sure he had the digital camera. So I was easy to spot and comandeer.

The relay was explained. Each of us would put his or her forehead on the end of a standing baseball bat and in that position circle the bat 5 times as fast as we could, then dribble to midcourt, pick up a rope and jump rope all the way back. As you will remember, there had previously been no mention of the bat or the circling or the jump rope.

I thought I went around the bat pretty fast. I thought I went around more times than people kept count of, but then I was getting very dizzy. I was handed the ball and began to dribble, running as fast as I could go. Problem was the ball was listing to the left, and I was listing to the right. I did not trip. I did not fall. I ran into the floor (or else it rose up to meet me, I’m not sure which). I’m told I slid most of the way to midcourt, but I was still too dizzy to apprehend the sliding. I did apprehend the uproarious laughter - mine and everybody else’s. The relief came at midcourt when I discovered I still know how to jump rope, not at any great speed, mind you, but at least without tripping on the rope.

Fortunately the yearbook staffer did not manage to capture the moment. As for Mr. G, I still have that picture of him he begged me not to put into the yearbook, and I do believe I can find a spot for it yet ;->.