MindSpinner

There are noble reasons to eschew the use of an energy-guzzling appliance - reducing one’s carbon footprint, slowing the frightful pace of global warming, saving on the frightful bills. And then there’s the operative reason at my house: one morning you get up, throw a load of wash into the dryer, push the “Start” button, and … nothing. Almost nothing, that is. The dryer does buzz. I have a 27″x43″x28″ buzzer in my laundry room.

It is important to know that my laundry room is not really a room. It is an amateur architect’s afterthought, tucked at an angle under the stairs and next to the garage. It is, at best, half a closet. Squeezing a full-sized washer and dryer into the space was no small feat. I think the movers who did it were genies; one of them looked like a genie, if he’d only been blue. Getting the dryer out again looks to me to be nearly impossible, unless I call upon genies a second time, and these days, I can’t afford them. If I could afford genies, I’d have new dryer. One thing is clear: the washer would have to come out first.

So I think Big Buzzer will have to stay put for a while, especially since it will not be replaced in the forseeable future, at least not until teachers get real cost-of-living raises or cows fly, whichever comes first. It might be possible to repair Big Buzzer, but I think sixteen years is probably a better-than-average lifespan for a dryer. This dryer is the one my father bought to help me out when the children were still in cloth diapers.

Big Buzzer is now occupying coveted space. I could have a pantry in that space if I didn’t have a dryer. What to do with a dead dryer? I can put things on top of it, but I do that anyway. There’s a lot of space in the drum. Surely something could go in there - extra blankets? Sleeping bags? If I could only get Big Buzzer out, what could an old dryer drum be good for? Could one plant potatoes in it, minus its boxy white shell?

When you come to my house, you will likely find clothes drying on a folding rack designed for that purpose, and if you stay for a day or two, I will give you your own cardboard towel with which to pat yourself dry after your shower. It will be as rough as the cat’s tongue.

We are powering down in the laundry room, reducing our carbon footprint, slowing the frightful pace of global warming, trimming our electric bill. But I can’t pat myself on the back, now can I? Virtue, to be virtue, ought to be voluntary.